Monday, May 17, 2010

When to stand and when to hide…….

"A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished."
Proverbs 22:3
Babies are so precious. They are gifts to us, little bits of heaven that find ways to soften our hearts, and then, if we are wise, we reciprocate and give them everything we have in return.
There is no such thing as a child who is a "mistake", no matter what the timing. Every baby born is a blessing, no matter if that baby dies prematurely or is somehow malformed. I can say these things because I am quite attached to my Heavenly Father, the Author and lover of all life, and He has indicated in multitudinous ways His attachment to mankind.

Some folks do not seem to have a great grasp on these truths. It is unfortunate that many of these people go to church with us and that most of the most vociferous ones are related to us.
So when we find out we are expecting a baby, we must be careful with whom we share the blessed news. I have become more and more sure of this as the years have passed and the babies have come.
Jesus said, "cast not your pearls before swine". This scripture is applicable here for me. My children are all precious pearls, ones so valuable they are worth losing everything for.Family Pics 2009 1522
Some people are "swine" when it comes to appreciating them. Now, they may not realize just how their thinking is a deterioration of the good mind God gave them on the subject, but the outcome of their mindset is still devastating to me, and to the peace in my heart while I am carrying my beloved baby.
Words are powerful things, especially to a woman who is purposely being softened in her heart by God to give life through her body. It is not an easy thing to go through pregnancy, with the morning sickness, the swellings and sleeplessness and all the other unpleasant things--I am attempting to be honest here. So God gives to women all sorts of helps--emotional reasons that help a mother to overlook these physical trifles. There is a reason pregnant women tend to look more soft and vulnerable--it is because they are.
This is precisely why I do not allow certain people in my life while I am pregnant, nor do I force myself into every social situation or obligation. It is not just to protect myself, but the little person growing inside. Even if I am closely related to an individual, they do not automatically have open access to speak whatever they wish.
I believe our culture has forgotten just how protected pregnancy and childbearing should be--that just as the marriage bed should be a place of safety and privacy, so too should the whole process of bringing forth life. We have grown so callous about this time because we have degraded the act of love and made it a thing for billboards. I may be considered old-fashioned, but seeing someone's naked, swelled belly makes the whole process seem base, when it should be revered and placed in the highest regard.
Every once-in-a-while I receive a question on how or when to tell disapproving relatives, friends and church members that a child is expected, whether it be the first or the 12th. I am of the opinion that some folks don't need to know until it is too obvious to keep secret--sometimes even until after the child is born! Or, if there is no way around it, the announcement should be made with flourish, and that it is made perfectly clear that no critical remarks will be tolerated.
It also helps if the husband announces things without his wife in attendance, or answers the phone when certain people call. This has been such a blessing when my dear husband has done this for me.
But when we are expecting we should be careful never, never to allow the empty-headed opinions of others to change the wonder and excitement of the divine transfer we are undergoing. I have found that Spurgeon's commentary on the Psalms, especially for Psalm 127 and 128 are immensely helpful to counteract the fiery darts thrown during this special time.

( These are not my words, but the words of a sweet  friend over at I reposted them here because they deeply marked my sentiment today and in the past several weeks.  This is my struggle as well. I was wonderfully comforted by knowing that I’m not the only one who feels this pain. I sometimes wonder how other Moms of many cope and get through this. She has beautifully expressed all I have tried to say on so many occasions. Thanks in advance ladyofvirtue!!!!!)


Adriane said...

Great post. I love her blog too. I have heard some of those words many times, actually heard them yesterday...and I only have five children. I would love to have another one but you and I know that story. I'm praying for your heart and the hearts of other moms of many who have to hear hurtful words over such an awesome blessing. :)

Brooke said...

that is GREAT thanks for sharing babies are a HUGE blessing and you are so right!! I have a friend who just adopted two boys found out she was pg will now have 6 and you would NOT believe- ok maybe you would- how many church ppl put on her fb dont you know what causes it!! Think ppls own insecurities about how they are not called to parent many children affects their brain. I know that it is a GODLY calling to parent many children and NOT many ppl have it. you do my friend and you hold your head high <3

Amanda said...

well said!
this is so true in so many ways. It should be a sacrad time between husband and wife and so many times it is not. Thanks for sharing this.

MAK-now said...

I just wanted to say thanks for commenting on my blog entry. God is truly present in our lives. Also, I wanted to say kudos to you. Seven kids?!? You're a saint! Keep reading and I will too!
Thank you!!

Qtpies7 said...

It can be tough to hear those comments. They truly don't bother me unless it is from family. My family has pretty much accepted that we will never use birth control, but my husband's took some time to deal with it. He even got the comment about getting his vasectomy reversed "I guess it is cheaper than a divorce." lol

I try to handle comments with great humor, and the more rude they are, the more shocking my comeback. If they jokingly say "Don't you know what causes that?" I will say, "Yes, but we just LOOOOOVE pizza!" but if they say it meanly I will say "Yes, and we are VERY, very good at it!"

I annouced my 8th pregnancy on facebook by changing my profile picture to a shirt that says "Yes, we're pregnant again, Yes, we know what causes it, and NO, we don't have too many already." I didn't get ANY negative comments!