Sunday, January 31, 2010
Sunday. The start of a new week, new opportunites to correct last weeks mistakes and a day spent reflecting on the goodness of my redeemer. If all this is true, why do my Sundays seem to come up sour. I've been thinking about this for quite a while and can't seem to come up with an answer. Although, I 've narrowed it down a few possibilites. It's gonna sound like I am beating a dead horse, but this is my avenue to get it off my chest. Once again I find myself frustrated with almost everything. Even though I promised myself that I would try harder this yell to reign in the emotions and set them aside when dealing with the kids, I am failing miserably at this task. The son that I mentioned in the last post struck again bright and early this morning ( presenting at the breakfast table dressed in his brothers discared attire from yesterday ) proudly exclaiming that he was ready for church. : ( I wanted to ask him have'nt we been thru this EVERY Sunday for the last four years? Instead I yelled at him in the meanest voice I could muster thru clenched teeth to find something else. Three hours later a quick trip to the grocery store turned into a 3 1/2 hr ordeal because the van would not start when I came out of the store. : ( Lastly my oldest daughter in a CONTINUED effort to fit in allowed a girl at church to write all over her arm and saw nothing wrong with it!!!!!!!! My first thought was "What the heck???" I wanted to tell her that she will never fit in and she might as well quit trying. That sometimes pre teen girls are catty, messy and should be avoided. Be independent and blaze your own trail. But instead of saying that I proceeded to yell at her how ignorant that was and that I have had enough. I can't even figure out what edict to lay down on that front so I ordered her to her room while I thought about it. Next Sunday , I''m gonna set out to find some peace, joy, and rest....well I'm gonna try too....AGAIN.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
It seems that I have fallen and ......I can't get up. I'm stuck somewhere between caring and not. Really, to be honest, I just want to just pack up a suitcase and head out. Surely everything that I am responsible for can rock on without me right??? I
hate detest being woe is me...but feel like everyone is entitled to go there once a quarter so .....here goes.. I am so very sure that God must have me in the "permanently grounded" line. I find myself on my parenting journey questioning what went wrong. Did I take a wrong turn somewhere...miss a mile marker perhaps? Surley this tweenage girl in my home is a different speciaes than I. Never in a bajillion ( yes I made up a word) years would I have envisoned talking to my parents with the tone she uses so effortlessly. Was I ever this self-centered and self-asorbed???? Then moving on to the next issue that completely blows my mind.... I have a son whose sole mission in life is to not ever do ANYTHING well. for example, in lieu of selecting clean clothing to wear ( out of his drawers.)..he culls the soiled laundry that his brothers have discarded !!!!! He does'nt brush his teeth on any schedule and deodorant is merely considered optional. Did I really give birth to these people???? What happened????